You’ve been waiting weeks, months, maybe even YEARS for your favourite movie/TV show to air. Then just as you’re about to get comfy on the sofa with a massive bowl of popcorn, your phone beeps. You pick it up, expecting to see a text from mum. Instead, you find yourself face to face with the worst thing in the world – SPOILERS.

So this happened to me recently. A so-called friend who had seen a leaked episode of Game of Thrones inadvertently slipped a major spoiler into a convo we were having. Needless to say, we are no longer friends.

 

Friendship aside, this whole ordeal taught me a valuable lesson – dealing with spoilers is a lot like dealing with grief. You go through 5 very specific steps….

1. Denial

No no no nooo nooooooooo! This can’t be happening. Tell me this isn’t happening. This is all just a dream yeah? He’s just pulling my leg. It isn’t true. Tell me it isn’t true!!!

2. Anger

How dare he!? I’ve waited 168 hours for this moment and now he’s ruined it just like that!? I ‘m going to kill him! AAAFDGHDHSGDSHGH! Why me??

3. Bargaining

If only I could turn back time, I would change. I would never cheat on GoT with another show again. I would forsake all other shows. I promise I would. I swear it by the old gods and the new.

4. Depression

I’m so sad. I just want to curl up in a ball and forget everything.What’s the point of going on anymore now that the episode’s been spoiled. What’s the point of anything any more. Life has no meaning. 

5. Acceptance

It’s okay. I’m fine. It’s happened now, there’s nothing I can do to change it. It’s all in the past now. I’m a strong independent woman, I can handle this. I will survive.

Side note: If anyone ever spoils GoT for me ever again, know this.

I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career as a GoT fan. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you shut up now, that will be the end of it – I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you. And I will kill you.